Embracing the Journey of Motherhood: Trusting the Unknowable

Mama,

As you embark on the miraculous journey of pregnancy, there's something important I want to share with you. Something that cannot be fully understood until experienced firsthand. It's about the extraordinary process of labor and how it defies words and expectations. So, let me offer you some heartfelt advice and assurance as you prepare for this incredible chapter of your life.

During pregnancy, thoughts of childbirth may start to fill your mind. You'll hear stories, seek advice, and imagine what it might be like. But trust me when I say that no amount of preparation can fully encompass the magnitude of what lies ahead. Just as you can't comprehend the intricacies of a long-lasting and seasoned love until you've lived it, birth too is an enigma until you're immersed in its embrace.

You may reach out to me in the midst of contractions, excitedly noting their timing and intensity, believing that the time has come. And while I'll listen attentively, there's a likelihood I'll urge you to rest. To take a bath, sip a glass of wine, or simply carry on with your day, gently disregarding the sensations within your body. They may be new and uncomfortable, but trust me when I say that they are merely the beginning. There is much more intensity to come, beyond what you can currently fathom. Please, trust me on this.

I don't doubt your knowledge of your own body, but remember that this is your body doing something it has never done before. It's uncharted territory, even for you, who has inhabited it since birth. Yield to it without analysis. Observe the sensations, yes, but continue with your ordinary life. Eventually, you'll be carried away by its powerful tide, where thoughts will diminish. You'll be left only with the colors, feelings, and pure physicality of the most profound experience you've ever had.

If you believe labor is progressing, wait for two hours and reassess. If you think it's time to head to the hospital, birth center, or call the midwife, challenge yourself to wait an additional 3 or 4 hours. Wait longer than you think you can bear, and then, my dear, you're likely truly in labor. Until that moment, please, for the love of all that is sacred, try to sleep if you can or at least find rest and distraction. Hold out for as long as possible.

I recently read a beautiful insight from a fellow birth keeper, and it resonated deeply: "She was one of the only mothers who actually listened to me when I told her that birth often can take a while, and it will become more intense than you ever thought you could live through, and while I’m more than happy to come to your house early on and hang out, I cannot emphasize enough how helpful it is to rest during the early stages of birth, and that it will benefit you not to ask me to arrive before your baby is well on her/his way." – Yolande Clark

In labor, control and competition hold no place; there is only surrender. It requires letting go, allowing yourself to be carried away. You must step aside, freeing your sharp, well-informed mind to take a backseat. Your idealized images must yield to the raw reality of the present moment. You must release yourself, entering into the pain and allowing it to envelop you, as if it were your trusted guide leading you from the maiden you are now to the mother that is about to be born within you.